Welcome To Serenity
What it was like..
So off to rehab I went, one Sunday afternoon in August, 2018.
Life, as they say, had become unmanageable – I’d become totally powerless over drugs and alcohol. My brain was overheating, misfiring. I was on sleeping tablets and anti-depressants, a mess inside and out.
What would I do there, in this new place? This hospital? I packed some books. I also took all my card games with me – which were promptly locked away! Along with my wallet, keys and phone.
Having no possessions made me feel free. I didn’t have to worry about anything, except myself. It felt very safe. We did a lot of writing, a lot of groupwork. One, called Damages, skillfully drew you out and flipped you over, exposing all the vulnerable bits. The counselors invited the community to thrust in a spear. And again.
Leaving, twenty-eight days later, meant identifying tools I could use to keep me clean and sober. Coming to aftercare. Going to meetings, having a sponsor, doing stepwork. Prayer (!) and meditation. Developing structure and a daily routine.
This was just the beginning. So much has changed. Yet it feels like just the other day…
What happened...
In a past life I was a primary school teacher to kids with special needs. It was a happy time. They showed me that people enjoy learning things when they’re having fun.
A few months after rehab, I started creating a game for people in recovery from addiction. It would be about dealing with triggers – people, places and things, situations where you might feel threatened to act out. It involved trigger cards, action cards, love cards, and monster relapse cards if things became too glib or easy. The goal was to help each other stay clean and sober.
I approached the rehab, who let me do a demo with some of the counselors. It worked! “Sure,” they said. “You can develop your game in our facility. Let’s see how it goes…”
Each time we played, we’d start with a ‘wisdom’ card – sayings, phrases, wise words and insight from the rooms of recovery, the AA Big Book and elsewhere, plus the odd poet, sage, mystic and teacher.
Invariably, people found that the card they drew had an uncanny bearing on their life! We used them for reflection, for self-assessment, as a touchstone for playing a game we started to call Serenity.
What it's like now...
From hundreds of sayings and phrases, the ninety nuggets of wisdom that struck me the most became the basis of a pack of cards I designed with my friend, Xia Carstens.
We developed 18 icons, and allocated five cards to each, making ninety. As you may know, ninety is a magic day in recovery. If you reach that many days, chances are you’ll stay clean for good.
For months we tested and fine-tuned, and she drew them all, playing with colour. I found a great printer. They arrived.
Every morning I draw a card, which sits on my desk for the day. I still visit the rehab to run a group. It’s a privilege to spend time with people in early recovery, often still shell-shocked from a recent rock-bottom. That was me, I remember. We do recover.
I see how these cards help people open up, with so much incredible vulnerability. It feels real, like nothing else is going on in the world.
Often, someone shares something which takes my breath away. We play with the cards in new ways. We turn them over and play with the images on the back, or the phrases. We choose for each other. We connect – and that is the main thing that keeps us clean.